All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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