i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
