I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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