you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
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Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
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It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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