It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
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Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
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So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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