I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
