so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
