Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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