SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
