and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
