Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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