Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
