I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
