We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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