I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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