dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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