he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
