I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
