you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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