It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
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He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
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Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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