Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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