you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
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Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize