the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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