he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
