im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
