Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
