can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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