It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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