when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
This house was built for laser tag.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
