Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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