Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My liver just broke up with me...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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