Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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