These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
