Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
God, I missed his penis.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
