sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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