Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
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Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
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woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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