well I can't set my house on fire every night
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
