I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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