i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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