you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
