I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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