I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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