We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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