saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
