So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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