think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
