just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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