My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
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My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
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You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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