All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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