You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
