bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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