we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
