the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
