I swear she didn't look like that last week.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
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any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
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be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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