the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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