when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
