I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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