ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
