I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
no you cant smoke seaweed
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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