So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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