Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
