Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
