Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
