I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
