I wanna bring you to show and tell
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize