i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
