i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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