i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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