so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
