he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
